Hilarious Valentines Day Nonsense for Singletons

Valentine's Day: the mushiest, most pretentious couple'y day of the year, but who said Valentine's Day can't be hilarious for singletons? Take a look at this round up of hilarious posts and general nonsense.

 Photography by Owen Kemp.

Photography by Owen Kemp.

Many single people the world over cringe when they hear the words 'Valentines Day', but don't worry, we got your back! This article has been made with you in mind!

 

Memes

These are just handful of gems that we came across.

Fails!

Let's be real for a moment, who doesn't love a good 'fail'?

 I love you so much, I made you have surgery so I can prove it!

I love you so much, I made you have surgery so I can prove it!

 Wow, our date venue is only 0.3 miles away and the whole thing will cost me less than £20! Bargain!

Wow, our date venue is only 0.3 miles away and the whole thing will cost me less than £20! Bargain!

 'When I'm around you, I just can't keep my shit together....  literally. '

'When I'm around you, I just can't keep my shit together.... literally.'

 Honestly? It looks like the 'chef' used their face to prepare the jelly hearts!

Honestly? It looks like the 'chef' used their face to prepare the jelly hearts!

 Hahaha! Aww, bless whoever attempted the cookie heart. It's the thought that counts right?

Hahaha! Aww, bless whoever attempted the cookie heart. It's the thought that counts right?

 If you ever receive a gift like this... repeat the following: 1. I know. 2. GTFO of my house! 

If you ever receive a gift like this... repeat the following: 1. I know. 2. GTFO of my house! 

 I still love super store facepalm moments like this. Does 'product placement' mean anything to you?!

I still love super store facepalm moments like this. Does 'product placement' mean anything to you?!

 Evidently, the bar owner couldn't be F'd this year and decided to cut to the chase. Tired of writing cheesy VDay ads? We hear ya Brian!

Evidently, the bar owner couldn't be F'd this year and decided to cut to the chase. Tired of writing cheesy VDay ads? We hear ya Brian!

 I really love your heart - opps sorry! I mean boobs. Your rack is awesome.

I really love your heart - opps sorry! I mean boobs. Your rack is awesome.

 Nothing quite says 'I love you' like a Valentine's dog shit message!

Nothing quite says 'I love you' like a Valentine's dog shit message!

 Let's face it... expectations never quite live up to the reality, do they?

Let's face it... expectations never quite live up to the reality, do they?

 I'm so emo and so in love at the same time, that I used my last maxi pad just to tell you that I love you. I'm still bleeding.

I'm so emo and so in love at the same time, that I used my last maxi pad just to tell you that I love you. I'm still bleeding.

 Ah, how romantic! Good to see the art of poetry is still alive and well.

Ah, how romantic! Good to see the art of poetry is still alive and well.

 Ouch... talk about crash and burn! 

Ouch... talk about crash and burn! 

 Riiiight... we believe you Kelly, we believe you.

Riiiight... we believe you Kelly, we believe you.

Facts

In case you didn't know where this whole affair came from, here's some VDay facts:

  • It's believed that the 'Valentines Day' holiday and term was coined by the Christian church in response to the killings of bishops, several of which were named Valentine, by the Roman Emperor Claudius II. These men were considered to be martyrs and were sainted. The holiday was marked as a reminder of their sacrifice and dedication to the church, in particular, for carrying out the rites of matrimony even during times of warfare - which was against the wishes of the Emperor.
  • My Bloody Valentine is a concept much closer to the origins than the mush we see today. These martyrs would have been brutally executed (most likely publicly) for rebelling against the Emperor's decree. Dark.
  • Capitalism jumped on this traditional holiday as a means of making serious cash. More than 1 billion VDay cards are sent every year. 
  • Apparently, condom sales increase by 20 - 30% in February. It makes sense really, all those 'happily' married couples have to prove that there's still some kind of sexual interest at least once a year right?
  • 3% of pet owners will give their pets some kind of VDay gift. That's either really cute or weird.
  • Valentines Day now shares the same date with another holiday: S.A.D - Singles Awareness Day.
  • In Finland, on 14th February they celebrate Ystavanpaiva, a holiday for friendships not lovers. 
  • 73% of men will buy flowers on Valentines Day, it's still the most popular VDay gift.

 

Stories

We love a good story, particularly one that involves a good plot twist, misfortune or a hilarious ending. Got an awesome VDay story to share with us? (Fails always welcome) Leave a message in the comments below.

 

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